go the distance
If you have clicked through my site for a few you may have come across one of my BFF’s. Thanks for Jessie Walker photography for actually taking photos of us or else you’d have zero clue. But like any other couple, you have a little story to tell about the time you met and oh man, oh man do I have a story for you.
Him and I met on an APP. Romance at its finest. I know.
Eventually we started chatting through the DM and let it be known that your girl made the first move not the other way around. (sorry Cam) We chatted on and off for a few weeks. Not really knowing much about the other but just with the casual, exciting conversations that go something like
You get the gist. Super exciting convos daily. Eventually the conversation skills picked up and we came to found out that this guy I was low key getting feelings for lived in Virginia. When I tell you I looked up Virginia, California I’m not lying. I thought there was no way he lives in the actual state of Virginia. ANNNND uh, I was wrong. With this new information of us being 2 thousand or so miles away I wasn’t to sold on pursuing him if we are being honest here. I didn’t want to get to connected to him so I just thought he was cute and that was that. Cameron on the other hand had other plans. We kept up the conversation for a couple months when Cameron decided to pull a fast one. Lets just say he contacted my mother. got his hands on a credit card and booked a trip to MEET ME. MHM. YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT. He was flying across the whole dang U.S to meet a 16 year old girl who by the way never got any guys. ever.
Keep in mind, I had no idea he was coming. It took me by total surprise but there I was, standing in an airport. waiting. waiting and WAITING for some fellow in a red, plaid button up to walk down the stairs.
Thirty or so minutes pass by and I saw him. OH he was cute. Which made it 10X worse. So the moral of that story is that we met. We had a weekend together but he eventually had to go back to Virginia. So there we were with one question.
Do we puruse this? And thats what I wanted to talk about today.
Long distance was not on my list of “must haves” for a relationship. Heck, I dont think its on anyone’s list. We all have our “perfect” guy guidelines right? Smart, Caring, Empathetic, Goodlooking etc. He was all those things however our situation wasn’t the most ideal. Looking back long distance was the best thing thats ever happened to me personally and to our relationship.
If you have been or are hopping on the long distance train DONT PANIC, you can get through it.
Here are my top 5 tips on how to maintain/deal with long distance
You are probably reading that like, “uh huh, okay Steph; kinda hard to do when you live 50 billion hours away.” Let me clarify. Be present by not being physically present. Be present in their day-to-day lives. Nothing hurts more than being left on read. Amirite ladies? Make sure both sides are asking how their day went/how everything is going. Phone calls are 100000X better than text messages. You can hear the persons voice when a text can be interpreted 500 different ways. Find time. This is so important. You make time for the things you love, those things that are important to you. Find that time slot you both are free and do daily check ins. This was specifically really hard for Cameron and I at first. He worked a pizza hut job which never let up and I was a student; not to mention the three hour time difference. Took a bit to find a rhythm but thats normal. Sometimes you have to just do got through motions until you find that perfect flow. It comes with time. Promise.
its 50/50 or nothing
What do I mean by this? I mean you both have to be putting in the same amount of effort. If one person is all in for the long haul and the other kinda just sits back and hopes it works out, then (spoiler alert) it aint gonna work girlfriend. At the beginning of Cameron and I, I was NOT for it. The long distance honestly scared me. Getting to close to him scared me and I began to literally distance myself from him in a emotional way. Cameron saw it. The not really texting back, the short replies.. Eventually he let me know how he really felt that he was in it to win it and asked me if I would be willing to give this a honest shot. I thought about it, we talked about it and then there we were doing this whole long distance stuff. But the secret ingredient that made it work was we did it together. 50/50. not 20/80
Meet your new best friend
Hello facetime. What a great time to be alive. You can video chat! Thank goodness for that because facetime was my BFF through the whole two, almost three years, we did distance. Your going to get used to the facetime ringtone, the times he/she doesn’t pick up their phone and the gut wrenching feeling of wanting to jump through the screen to just be with them. I GET IT. But utalize facetime. Use it often and daily. No, you don’t have to fall asleep on facetime ( I find that so cheesy, sorry not sorry) but let your person see your face. Cameron and I probably facetimed a handful amount of times during a given week just because of conflicting scheuldes but when you get the chance, do it.
time to get crafty
So I totally get that not everyone has the pinterest personality BUT anyone can make a card, print out a photo and write something on the back. Make something. It doesn’t have to be anything big. For example I would make little care packages for Cameron and send them to him randomly without telling him. Its the thought. It shows that you are thinking of them and love them. Cameron and I also have these tubs. Each tub is full to the brim of memories of us and half of the box is just letters when we went through that long distance phase. We wrote eachother letters every week or at least we tried to. Theres something about writing a letter that holds so much more meaning than a text. Its in your handwriting and sent from your home, and I sprayed perfume on mine. Write letters, make care packages, literally anything that tells the other person, “ I love you and I am thinking about you.” Besides, getting things in the mail is always exciting anyway.
forget the notebook fairytale experience
Long distance isn’t pretty. Its actually pretty brutal but in the most beautiful way though. I went into the realtionship thinking this ain’t nothing but a bag of chips because I never dated anyone before. I mean, c’mon it can’t be that bad but I soon realized that you need and crave that persons presence. There were nights I cried and cried, and thinking to myself that this really isn’t going to work. Cameron and I would fight a lot especially when it came close to us seeing eachother after 4 months, you would just get really irritable. You have to learn to love through communicating, not through physically being there. Also, take note that Cameron and I met on an APP so we met far apart. This I believe kind of gave us a upperhand and had us realize right from the beginning how things were going to be. We didn’t have to move away from eachother which might be a bit more challenging. Your long distance story is going to be ZIPPO like any fairytale movie you’ve watched but oh it’s so rewarding. People ask me, would you change it? Like the distance? And no I would not. Our realtionship would not be the same if it were under different circumstances. Theres a certain foundation you build beforehand. You build the realtionship on trust, communication, and loyalty. In my opinion long distance sets you up for a beauitful future even though it seems like a never ending rollercoaster.
BOOM! Those are my five things on long distance and some of the main things I implemented in my long distance experience. Believe me, its a tough thing to go through it really is. Long distance can be so exhausting and discouraging at times but uplift one another often. Something I didn’t mention in the five above is reassurance. Always reassure eachother of your love for them and that it will be okay. Every now and then, just as humans, we need that reasurrance. Be open, be real and YOU GOT THIS.
You have to literally go the distance for the person you love and care for. It’s not an easy road, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows but gosh dang, it is worth it.